Monday, 1 October 2007

Lumberjack Lounge

Howdy Folk.
I guess ya'll be the meanin' of upscale.
Look at that woman over there.
What she got on?
Feathers in her hair?
Where'd you find them?
Off a dead chicken?
Look like a retired can can girl to me.
Ya'll gotta modernize....get some glitter.
Glitter be the way now
To the future.

(toast-take a sip)

Excuse me if I be sippin' while I's talkin'
I'm multi-taskin' tonight
I got me free drinks.
Already don't know how I gonna get home.

You's is lucky I talkin' to you though.
Hell of a trouble gettin' in.
Thick-headed muscle boy at the door?
Wearin' a tuxedo---strainin' his brain....that already tapped.
Said I wasn't lookin' up scale enough
Up Scale?......Up yours mister.
What ya'll think I am?......downscale?
Bet you can't even get on the scale.
Ya'll is over 300 pounds.

And to think I got all prettified tonight...
Did ma make-up.... put on my best shirt...
Pink Plaid Lumberjack
My daddy gave it me.
He a lumberjack....not one to be wearin' pink though
Ain't that sort of lumberjack.

I let you in on a little secret
As long as you remember to forget it once you gone....
How I got in?
There were this woman all slutted up walkin' in the door....?
Me? I just fisted her one....went down right away...too skinny n' all
Dragged her out back and changed clothes.
Pretty dress.
It a little tight here and there, but it'll do for tonight.

Ya'll mind if I sit down and have a drink with you for a while?
My husband...he ain't here yet.
He way laid....
More like he gettin' laid probably.
He say he in traffic.
I know the sort of traffic he in.
Tina Traffic, Tracy Traffic, Trixie Traffic
He always in the car.
He should get himself a taxi.

(Follow on to My First Husband Monologue)

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