Tuesday, 9 October 2007

One Piece Snowbirds (DPT now in rhyme)

I'm so good in the kitchen---real meal good cook.
Not just in the bedroom--I should write a book.
Esme----she ain't even good in the bathroom.
Short for Esmerelda....she born in half-bloom.

Ya'll imagine a brand new baby--that name.
Ain't a chance--sixty-five before the first birthday.
Puts a spin on the meanin' of old menopause.
She be like---"Men...ohhh..."now let's shut the doors.

Some ladies....they fade quite fashionably....
Gettin' old?.... Die in style---do it comfortably.
Do you think they stick around for a game of senior bowlin'?
No--They's off on a cruise to Panama foldin'

The deck chairs up to clear the dance floor.
Sippin' Mai Tais and diggin' up the smorgasboard.
They be swingin' from the trees after the dance
Livin' like monkeys on grandkids' inheritance....

Got it all calculated...til the day in the sky.
When the money run out, they just gonna die.
And the funeral? Planned by a fancy lawyer sir.
Let your kids do it? Put you in a dumpster.

Ya'll prefer to be burned and put in an urn
Or set in the ground with some nice potted ferns?
Should take up basket weavin' at the junior college.
I ain't no basket case. I ain't eatin' porridge.

I be weavin' through the traffic to my winter destination.
Florida--the ultimate snowbird location.
Snow bird a few months on the beach with my friends,
'Til my prescription runs out and needs fillin' again.

Medicaid, Medicare... The Red Cross and The Blue
Take all your money is all that they do.
So we go up to Canada---generic drug land
The half price viagra and Quinidine plan.

Nestle up our striped chairs but do not face the beach.
So we block out those women---'cus our men--they still reach.
A bikini-free club for us white haired fools.
We got our don't-tax-the-pacemaker rules.

By the time they give you your free bus pass,
Can't use it---them potholes be jigglin' your ass.
Bruise yourself up with your own body parts.
End up in hospital next to someone who farts.

Read the sign---No bikinis---It a one piece beach.
It's a shuffleboard heaven if want to compete.
One hundred percent Polyester swimsuits...
To hold it all in like a snug fittin' boot.

"BIG ass flowers on that swimsuit"....Please don't stare
I'm just blindin' my way into the water with care.
"Don't look at my thighs....look at my big flowers."
Bigger than flowers on curtains for showers.
She got more flowers on her backside
Than ya'll see at a presidential funeral ride.

Brings to mind Grandma's old campervan fabric.
Big daisies and roses, all very elaborate.
So loud that you don't need the radio on.
Just from lookin'----think my hearing is gone.

Come November, December if you're the right age.
Get yourself on a plane and get out of that cage.
Put the grandkids on hold. They gonna be fine.
Go have yourself a divine polyester time.

(Spoken Time 3:31)

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