Friday, 29 February 2008

The Chosen Free

(Rock It-Flashback--I love it...Acid Folk ---press title link above)

Download that page and print it out
The numbered forms.
The ink runs out.
Make sure all lines are filled out typed
to the letter, be polite
Don't forget your four photos
A frontal pic...mid-centred nose.

Early to the embassy
A citizen of "chosen free"
If ever yearns for other shores,
They'll be another door.

Thank God I do not have to choose
Between the stripes and
Land of booze.
But I do not want to lose
My boy to the red , white and blues.
Will he want a Chevy truck
Or will he think those people suck?
He might prefer a pint of piss
and forego this generation's continental abyss.

And how did that turn out? Crap! crap crap crap! Red tape longer than a roll of toilet paper.
I had all the school paperwork, diplomas, transcripts, naturalization papers, everything... But there is one little snagging clause...US citizen parent must be present in the US for a period of one year prior to the birth of the child." And as I have too many exit stamps in my passport, they want further proof of this in the form of an old passport. I lived there most of my life and these school papers are not proof enough? "No. You may have been doing a degree, but you may also have flown off to Mexico for the weekend." Right. At that point, I wanted to take the gun out and shoot him.Yes. I had a gun with me....Ben's toy plastic gun. Three hours waiting outside to go through upstepped security...and they missed the gun. They did manage to take away his Lightenineg McQueen car though as it had a battery in it that might explode.

Madame Depoloux

(Press link for Sakamoto)

The lovely Madame Depiloux
Bought some china
When she knew
My work was in the V and A
She tossed it all away
and said
"I'll have this set instead"

So divine and so exquisite
Tell me of your next exhibit.
I buy paintings, sculpture too....
I'll buy anything you do.

Call me on my Paris number.
Let it ring.
I often slumber.
If, by chance, the number's wrong.
Get me in Hong Kong.

Wednesday, 27 February 2008

Random Surf

(Ballet Mechanique)

Random thoughts brought about by some light surfing of the net...
There's a lady making plastic fish out of recycled bottles....a must have.
A wonderful urban substitute for a pet.
I do not have a pet...and if I had a pet, it would have to be something
that didn't cause a mess or needing feeding or walking...
As really, I'm too busy for pets. My pet phase ended
with the death of Fluffy.
Also.....I do not have pink leopard fur on my bedroom ceiling
Nor do I have it as a backdrop for my webpage.
Pink leopard fur is the reserve of teens and overage should only be at home as a cover for Madonna's toilet seat
or a trendy handbag if you are under sixteen--a present from Mum for
recovering from a mild drug habit or coming back home after running away for three days.
I do have a pot of rotting tiramisu in the fridge....well did...
Ofcourse I'm not the type to let tiramisu rot knowingly.
Oh how exciting an earthquake in Leicester.
How exciting for Leicester.
I'm so sorry I wasn't shaken...
I have yet to experience a natural disaster other than my own life.
Did you feel the earth move last night?
I didn't.
I suppose the building I inhabit is just too brick
Or perhaps I sleep too soundly.

Tuesday, 26 February 2008

Another alphabet.

(Ballet Mechanique--Leger II piano)

A is for a new interest in Argentinian Accordians
B is for bumble bees and the brimming beams of children's smiles... Joseph Blatter's secretary who says he's not in...and eventually, The Bosphorus.
C --cloudbanks moving southwesterly at several knots. and tiny planes that stay the course. Conferences in Istanbul....the cautious wording of documents.
D is for "Dear" when writing a letter.... and "do it later" or "ditch it" when not.
E is for Elephant and Castle...such a pretty image on paper. Embassy appointments requiring lots of paper.
F is for Fajitas and frijoles with rice....and the frills of sun umbrellas that ripple on the shoreline. ......also February, when one is concentrated on enduring the last phases of winter.
G is for the ghosts of guests that come and go like gusts of wind.... and grandma's gout.
H is for hello hellidays, buon giorno, bonjour and bad hair days.
I is for Islington's markets and the inlets on Rabbit Island.
J is for Juice bar and tiny cups of wheatgrass.
K is for kismet running across the park.
L is for lopsided liasons and lack lustre furniture with promise, the lovely Polish couple who have parted ways, the long lost lovers of yesterdays, and the cheeseman in Leather Lane.
M is for Madame Depoloux who loves my china and the mortician of mock devotion
N is for nobody and the Nobody Inn. And never eat the subway breakfast sub...vile with a capital V.
O is for overstuffed chairs and overstuffed teddy who has one eye missing.
P is for pears soaked in Pimms and people who put commas in the wrong places....and the peeling painted doors on the fragile hinges of the weaver's hotel in San Cristobel Del Las Casas.
Q is for Queensgate, Holly's new school where "lavatory" replaces "toilet" and Lady Camilla replaces Diana.
R is for Rosary and repungent re-heated pre-packaged egg that looks like food but is not.
S is for Syonara lizard-heart. S is also for seventy-year olds who think they are thirty.... so long to sorry situations. S is basically, for sanity.
T is for Tuesday afternoon concerts in the chapel and Thursdays in the sauna with the chaps.
U is for the undertaker of the used-uppees and the used-uppers
V is for very close and very close shave
W is for water....all sorts, bottled, fizzy, still, mineral, spring, tap, etc.
X is for ex-'s who get filed under x so it 's easy to find
Y is for Yann Proppe the philosopher from Iceland and Yarrow stalk picking with Running Grass.
Z is for Zebra crossings and zebras crossing at their own pace in Zanzibar. But do they have zebras in Zanzibar? It's just too far.

Your Caveman

(Paulo Ricardo & Renato Russo--A Cruz e A Espada)

She has gone
Under a cloud of conventional wisdom shouted like thunder
It rains as she smiles and waves goodbye...starboard.
The pinkish yellow curve of the rooftop
Catches some momentary sunlight
The horns of cruise ships
Tooting as they leave for Tunisia or Corsica.
Marseille again?
Maybe Barcelona this summer.
Let's just throw a dart at the map.
Any hint of homesickness completely abolished for now.
Theory wise enough for the parenting classrooms of the 1960's
If they had such a thing.
But parenting classes came into fashion about the same time as...
Wheat allergies, attention deficit disorder, and low carb diets.
The books on how your toddler is essentially a caveman...
She forgets.
But there is nothing to forget as she never had boys.

Monday, 25 February 2008

Death By Chandelier

(Urbana--supacool..Pais e Filhos)

Well, as I was saying, but kept interrupting myself with asides...
as I have so many sides....
I most innocently thought
That the addition of this particular chandelier
to my bedroom chamber would somehow
Quite possibly bring some feng shui
into my life.
On the contrary...
I laid awake all night
Looking up at it and wondering if it was going to fall on my head.
The following day, I smelled something unnatural...
the scent of burning plastic.
And ofcourse....
Part of this light fixture had melted all over the bulb
which would have burst at any moment
due to the weight and heat.
It was improperly installed.
And who must I blame?
The people who wrote the manual on how to install it.
Yes. There was a pretty picture of the chandelier on the cover of the manual....
but no where did it say on the cover...."open here and read it."
I didn't notice that it opened.
The pretty picture was far too distracting.
I thought it was perhaps a flimsy excuse for a postcard
you were meant to send your best friend in order to invite them
to come and view this fabulous new chandelier....
Well. What was I to think?
And inside, after disaster had been averted...
Pictures...yes more pictures and not a single word on how to install.
Only pictures and numerical arrows.
If it would have fallen on my head in the night....
I would have got a lawyer and sued them
Especially if I would have died.


Chango Spasiuk...the musical Jesus of Argentina...
Fabulous. I am converted.

Don't "Dear" me

A---A very late start to see the Argentian Accordian Players.
B--Best go now.
C--Can't find the keys.
D--Can't think of a D word. oh yes..."dear" my ex-boss called me "dear" today. Forgive him. He's foreign. ....never call a woman "dear" unless you are selling her tomatoes and giving her change.

Lila at the Exmouth Arms

Goodness. I can't remember already.
The chandelier.....that's it. Lila...
Got a new chandelier.. which nearly killed her in her sleep.
Can you imagine the headlines?
"Lovely Ex-Pat Polish Princess...killed in sleep by chandelier."
This is what she said....words to this effect...

My darlings, my lovelies and others who have yet to know me...
So long it has been since our last greeting.
I have been away at sea,
I know you with your busy lives
sitting at computers making numbers and words
Into rhymes for your
Big chubby bosses
who give you bonuses if you take a shorter lunch hour
Or stay so late at the office that your significant other
finally becomes as insignificant as you are to your own boss....
Yes....I am so do not have time to be
on a cruise lie..
several cruiseships---I was on.
I am not the sort of lady to take one cruise and then
Just go home slithering home with my ample suitcase
full of fine fineries
and bursting forth with bosom decorating necklaces
and hair enhancing head dresses
Mind the peacock feathers.
Do please put it in a separate box marked.....
Fragile....peacock feather head dresses only.
Oh the agility of my chauffeur...where would my
tiaras dance the tango without him?
I suppose I would get another one.
But then Arthur has been with me....
longer than my husband....
But then that is not a compliment
Nor is it a long space of time.
Where is my husband infact?
Maybe the chauffeur knows.
I was going to tell you about this new chandelier that presently arrived
and nearly killed me, but now...
I have a social engagement...
Some Argentinian Accordian players.....
I must see them at once.

Sunday, 10 February 2008

My To Do list

Tickets for St. James concert
Wash the sofa cover and make sure it doesn't shrink after you wash it
Find the shed key, then deposit shed items in the shed
Get the vase painted before Wednesday
Hide anything that needs to be hidden before your mother comes
reduce the contents of the filing cabinet
scrub green crayon off and repaint
return curtains and get blinds
frame for tiny elephant picture and tv print

Friday, 8 February 2008

Not a Haiku

Jingly beads hanging down
A happy faced clown
Distant frown
The twisted trunks of trees in my small town.
Chimes in the breeze of the crown.
And the little specks of dust in the air which make it brown.

Is it a haiku? no. It's just late.

Today's alphabet

A is for annoying neighbours annodised by arsenic...and anti-bush abracadabra
The bright blue lights of runways, stardom and the number 38 bus
The child catnip embedded in the disney cars dvd
The deafening "I want"
E...easy but actually hard
F is for the fortitude afforded by protein drinks
The gondolas and the gondoliers going home after sunset
H is for holding
I is for Islam and Sharia law soon to take over parliament
J is for not joking
K is for Kevino supremo...King of Kink
L is for lemons, limes, and love
M is for mysterious fog over the buried kings of Iona
N is for naughtiness and nighties
O is for oats...wild, organic, and otherwise, peeling open an orange on the Orient Express
P is for Peculiar and Old Peculiar
Q is for questions
R is for rest, random, rather, road kill
S is for sensual Samantha and seedy motels with dying neon signs
T is for trance state and Tony Cannelloni
U is for undeveloped coastline and undiscovered hookah bars
V is for very creative, very tied, very tired
W is for waistline, waste, was and wasn't
X is for x
Y is for Yasmin in Detroit and her sister who didn't have such an interesting name
Z is for Zoe and her costco addiction

Thursday, 7 February 2008

Things That Don't Work

1. To do lists with more than twenty entries
2. digital cameras without batteries
2a. buying the wrong batteries.
2b. Trying to exchange them.
3. not reading the manual.
4. reading the manual.
5. a life of television
6. sleeping pills
7. the lift
&. promises
&. Gentlemen's agreements
&. cellulite reduction cream
&. commercials about cellulite reduction cream
&. nothing is ever out of reach of a child even if it is stuck to the ceiling
&. changing lanes at the supermarket check out.
8. scratched cds... swimming in ponds with too much algae (Hampstead Heath)
&. dates who talk on the phone for more than ten minutes...infact...Is he not arranging his next date? That's "too busy."
9. CDs as frisbees....dying palm trees...vague invitations
10. writing to resonance radio: open access?
11. filing cabinets with business cards from people you met once years ago.
12. saving one earring when the other one is long gone
13. overdoing it
14. spring cleaning in winter
15. small sheets on a big bed
16. big thighs on a small woman
17. big ideas in a small mind
18. talking while painting...befriendly old ladies with criminal records
19. lunching on supermarket you end up buying the product when you really only went in to get milk.
20. hitching a lift with the milkman...regular coffee hours
21. cooking pizza with the plastic on
22. waiting

Things that work:
1. old songs on the radio
2. an mp3 player or ipod..are they the same thing?
3. learning to use the digital camera
4. making a video for utube
5. painting cups and plates
6. painting faces and stories
7. a variety of cheeses
8. swimming counterclockwise
9. candle lit exotic flowers
10. hotels in Jdakarta with faded sun loungers
11. knowing where the keys are--having a special place for the keys and enforcing it.
12. a new hoover attachment would be useful
13. blinds or curtains
14. framed pictures...secrets...egrets...lakes
15. a print session
16. an acceptance to the RA summer show---a small print with a small price most likely of a cat-or-dog-type-easy-to-recognise animal that all can enjoy on the bathroom wall in that space just big enough for a role of toilet paper, but too high up to be of any use. Robins and rabbits are also popular. If you puke while looking at it, it is not far to the toilet.
17. Never stand within ass-grabbing distance of Tony distance--five feet.
18. Kevin and the folk club on the odd weekend.
19. postcards in a shoebox
20. star charts for good behaviour
21. sesame ryvita
22. cup of soup
23. Vegetable markets and chats with Nut man
24. Richard's list

Wednesday, 6 February 2008

Progress with cups

multi-coloured striped cups with aboriginal dots. pretty and unique but time-consuming.
back washed panels of brown with white leaves and pink dots on top.
thin pale blue stripes with pink dots, one yellow striped, white, yellow, pale green with yellow dots...

19050's style shapes: rectangles in dark green, diamonds in pink and red, open circles with dots in yellow, pinkish beige ovals, lavendar triangles....all shapes are floating randomly. one plate one cup..more to doon this tidy theme.

One big plate: total of seven hours. Hungarian houses with domes, mountains, bicycles.

Sunday, 3 February 2008

Mum's visit

Itinerary for visiting mum
1. Hampstead Heath
2. Kew Gardens
3. Leeds Castle
4. Science Museum and Natural History Museum
5. Brighton
6. Toy Museum
7. Regents Park
8. Epping Forest
9. Terracotta Soldiers
10. Salzburg, Prague, Vienna

And all men kill the thing they love,
By all let this be heard,
Some do it with a bitter look,
Some with a flattering word,
The coward does it with a kiss,
The brave man with a sword!

--oscar wilde

Friday, 1 February 2008

Thoughts while waiting for a straw

Harvey lies on the beach sipping a homemade cocktail
Out of a family size tupperware container.
He has forgotten a cup,
So goes to the concession stand to get a straw.
A tall woman infront of him turns around to signal to her many icecreams again?
Her bare breast nearly brushes his cheek.
He is glad it did not.
The silicon is bubbling up in the hot sun.
Maybe they will melt into one.
Maybe he should invent an SPF cream
That prevents silicon from boiling.
No. It's probably been done...
already in the lab awaiting a patent.
He thinks about a time when things used to be real....
When the foam on the waves was not due to pollution
And the red in the icecream was fruit, not red dye 13,
and floppy or not,
Breasts were what you saw is what you got.
Such a rainy thought for such a sunny day.
Maybe he should skip the straw
Go home and watch the beach on the travel channel
Crank up the airconditioning,
Pull up a towel in the living room
and get some icecubes for his Mai Tai.
Is that fake?
That would be very fake.
He checks his pager like a doctor on call
And makes a quick exit
For his living room.
I feel like faking it today.