Pets

I'm not that bad with pets
Although some don't last long.
I don't have no regrets
Don't mean to do them wrong.

They sometimes choose just not to stick around.
This cage too small--I'm gettin' out of town.
A suitcase? No--but let me check the weather.
May need an extra coat--the one with feather.

Chinchillas--they're as nervous as they come.
Have this for a pet--you'll have just one.
They jiggle and they jump--you try to touch.
A cuddle in the lap is just too much.

My chinchilla's name was Pample Moose.
He's teething at the bars--I cut him loose.
He lasted half a year and then I said,
" Ain't nervous anymore--perhaps he's dead."

Tried to pick a spot for him to bury.
But couldn't dig the frozen cemetery
With earth as hard as ice--it was too tough
So threw him over fence--it was enough.

Fluffy was the sweetest pet of all--
My guinea pig who liked to play football.
Dyed his hair some green and purple strands.
The rodent's set--a punk from other lands.

Dogs and cats--you take them out for walks.
But guinea pigs--they are not into sports.
So put him in a shoe box with some holes to let in light
And pulled him round on string attached to back of bike.

Excitement was the reason for his lengthy age.
Eight years went by, but then he couldn't turn the page.
One prankster put him in the fridge beside the milk container.
Poor Fluffy died very next day with case of pet pneumonia.
Buried in a shoe box in the yard.
Poor Fluffy--letting go was rather hard.

There was a jazzy bluesman with a golden fish.
Experiments with ambience--put candle under dish.
Forgot the fish--the way that we were feeling.
Laid back to watch the shadows on the ceiling.

The slow gray moody movements of this goldfish tail
Were beautiful to watch but, by morning, paled.
Alarm goes off--he's swimming upside-down.
The gold fish bowl had heated into frown.
I tell you how he ended, it would spoil it....
But Goldie's burial was via toilet.