Saturday 6 October 2007

Compact Ferrari

Ya'll know how some people gotta be a little bit special?
Little bit more special.... than everybody else...
Ain't content with drivin' a Ford...
Got them flowers in the backyard instead of grass...
Eatin' Green Giant beans----not the no-name brand....

Yellow tin.....big black letters
Tell ya....Beans is beans....all make you pass wind.
Don't matter what it say on the can.
Can you imagine?
"Fart-free Fancy Beans.... Eighty dollars."
Those prices?
Who can afford to fart?

There's this boy I know livin' up in the mountains...
He just like the Green Giant...
He a not-so-simple country boy.
Ain't happy with keepin' cats and dogs...No.
Trappin' beaver ain't good enough.
He got himself a ferret....

A ferret?
Is that a compact Ferrari?
No...Bigger than a hamster
Smaller than a rabbit
More anti-social than a guinea pig....
And more nervous than a chinchilla runnin'a red light.
And this thang---so stinky...know a tailor...but no
He wouldn't put his needle there...
Nobody want a coat out of that piece of fluff....rug neither....
'less of course it a present for someone you'd rather dispose of.

And why he gotta call it "Yeti" when a yeti such a big thang?
It might be small, but the stench of it take up the whole room.

Other day....he say he goin' on holiday
Needs his pet lookin' after.
I don't see "pet-sitter" written on my ass.
Do I wanna look after his pet? No.
Did I say I would? Yes.
Do I know why? No.
Course I know why...
He gone for two weeks.....give it time to die.

Country boy come home....whistlin' a tune--
Puts his fishin' rod down.
Happy as the moon...

"Did ya'll look in on Little Yeti while I was gone?
..... Looks kind a thin."
Course I did, (but) he still alive....
Didn't say I had no green fingers when it come to animals.

Ferret's just sittin' there smilin' away
Top a ten inch pile a
Ferret turds....all neatly shaped up
Like a miniature volcano.
What a clever way to pass the time.

Next time ya'll go on an extended fishin' trip?
Check that thing into a ferret motel.
Or get yo'self a dog.
If it don't eat for two weeks, and it still alive....
I'll have to feed it 'til it die.

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