Seven Coats

The ornate interference
with the body
known as wardrobe

Coats were the item. Coats kept appearing, so I bought them--all seven of them and an extra suitcase to bring them home.

The responsible mummy coat
Description: A green and white ski coat....green to off-set all the red in Ben's school uniform. It is stream-lined. Things are done in a speedy logic manner when wearing it.

The too obnoxious to wear coat
Description: The orange cycle jacket should never be worn,only looked at as it's too spandex. It can be seen from an altitude of 5000 feet. Aeroplanes use this as a runway in emergency landings. As most cyclists in wear the opposite-- obnoxious yellow neon, you can stand out even more and be even more obnoxious in orange. Though, this is back-firing as this coat is too obnoxious to wear.

The friendly pet me coat
Description: This--a far friendlier version to cycle in, is made for close range gear with its furry sleeves not unlike the linings of some raincoats. Though not being neon, it does not deflect traffic. People might run into you due to the lack of neon. And if you run into people wearing this coat, you may feel the need to pet them or they pet you.

The cosy brown Ralph Lauren tweed
Description: In need of feeling tweedy and cosy at the same time? This double duty dinner jacket is for days you may not feel like teaching but have to look like a teacher. Pop it on and it will teach for you. Also for evenings when you feel like sinking into the dusty overstuffed furniture. The cultured academic look complete with chandelier.

The sensible brown down
Description: No need to look outside and check the weather with this coat. If it is remotely cold, don't think twice...just zip up. You could trek to Antarctica in this coat or just get the shopping in. seriously warm. You will sweat in fifty below in this coat. The only down side is that it has too many pockets. Choose one pocket and stick to it.

The Gold Jean Jacket
Description: Only wear this coat on holiday. Why? Because you won't see those people again....this is a dubious fashion statement. In fact, let's call it a fashion question. or in St. Tropez as everyone is glitzed up there. People with gold beach towels, gold knitwear bikinis for their poodles, gold handbags, gold sunglasses. the only non-gold thing is the teeth......or wear it at Christmas as you can blend in with the ornaments and match the tree. Or give it to your sister as a present as she often gives you things that she wouldn't wear. It's a festive garment for festive situations.

Normal jean jacket
Description: Normal denim for normal days. Furry collar makes it a little James Dean.... social.....and leopard lining adds a bit of spice. Zippered pockets are roomy so that you can go out unencumbered by things that jangle. This makes it secretly sporty.