"Shut up if you ain't got no money"

(In a southern accent. Based on a true conversation between a lovely couple at a dollar store on Western Avenue in Chicago--Dec.2007)

Why we stoppin here?
Out of gas?
It's either time for a new car or a new destination.
This ain't the kind of place you take your lady to
If you appreciate her ass
Come on

(husband) oh no...we just stoppin'

Don't throw me those two-for-one biscuits
on our anniversary
Please.
That ain't gonna score no booty for you today
In fact...you're crossed out for the rest of the week
Here...use this ten pack of markers
Choose a colour
My present to you

How long we been married Sylvester?
Look...there's a one dollar calculator over there.
Press it up!
Fifteen years....
And fifteen minutes in the car.....to a bleeding dollar store
Hell...they don't even serve lunch here.
Oh sorry. They got bags of Doritos over there.

(Husband) There was a time...I remember-
All you wanted was Doritos.

Ain't that a memory!
Whatcha gonna do about it now?
Pull out a fiver and buy me ten bottles of perfume?
You need some romance lessons honey.
Save your money for a night course.

(Husband) I was just.....
(Wife) I was just what?
(Husband) I was just-going-to... the-car-to-get my wallet.
(Wife) oh shut up if you ain't got no money.

I left it in the car...I did.

You leave a lot of things in the car
Especially the back seat
You and your driving instructor
Ain't that course finished yet?
You two gettin' so forgetful

She and me?
We ain't forgetful honey.
We just thinkin' bout other things.

Oh look...there's a pawn shop over there
There's a place to celebrate.