Wednesday, 26 September 2007

Slick Sally Snicker

Also known as “Triple S” as opposed to "Triple X"

Or should I say "as well as?"

She sure been getting a lot of calls lately.

Don’t be telling me they all just friends.

Aint nobody that busy

She say, “I just social.”

Social Security maybe

Social disease?

Yes Sir Doctor Definet-ly.

Social? Social my ass.

(pause) no …her ass.

She ain't one to waste no time.

Two years o high school and she done honey.

She got business to do. She a lady of business.

She should be gettin her own diploma right now

for what all she be earnin'.

She sold her poodle so many time,

She got a barcode tattooed on her ass.

But she gots a classy game goin on

I just be talking jealous n' shit.

She even got her own customer loyalty card...

You know like when you get that free coffee…

Any size you like if you keep on comin?

It better be free by the tenth time--shit. Them coffees

expensive. I happen to dine at places ya'll can get yo self a

ten course dinner for less. And my customer, Harry--

Hairy Harry. He always be comin in with one of them

Cafay Lattays....Hell. All that drinkin, he could a had

himself a limousine by now...or atleast some breath mints.

So as I was sayin' bout Sally....

Nine visits, tenth one is free.

And half a stamp for extras.

And on the back of the card...

in swirley gold letters,

It say "Thank you for comin'"

Come again.

But we’s friends....

I think the only competition left be

Dana Down There

Also known as Double D.

But she been on the game so long,

She got kids with her regulars.

Infact, she got a kid in every state.

Hell, they all be up there in Congress with their Daddies' help.

Now her sister---she don’t charge a thing.

She be all about free love n shit.

She be wearing one of them t-shirts you know is tie died

It look like somebody died in it....

Didn't get no time to wash off the bloood.

It look like one of them tv commercials for washing powder

Where the woman put the jam, the peanut butter,

the cigarette ash, the mustard,

the coffee and the dog shit

All up on the t-shirt then throw it in the wash.....

when she should be throwing it in the trash.....

Except Sally’s t-shirt didn’t go in the wash

Or else they forgots the washing powder

It just be a mess. Basically.

But somehow, her ugly t-shirt....

Make her look more fine than she actually is.

An' she need that help.

She ain’t driving no hard bargain o nothing like that.

No she probably payin sometimes

Well cuz ‘n ....she uuuuugly.

But pretty inside… they say.

Ya’ll know you’s is ugly if people be telling you yous is pretty inside.

Hell every lady got a pretty inside.

"Where’s yo pretty?"

"Oh...It inside."

She even in the girl scouts.

You know them cheerleader rejects...

They all be wearin green.

They all got a club where they sell cookies.

They is worse than streetwalkers.

At least the street walker stay in the street

She don’t be ringin your doorbell or nothing.

Sellin "cookies"

Can you imagine…

Dingin someone’s doorbell

Ya’ll want some of my cookies?

If you do, you can’t have them right now.

Ya’ll gotta order them first...sign here and wait a month.

Ya’ll know how that make a man feel when he gotta wait?

You wanna put your name down here right next to your neighbors'?

……He getting five boxes.

No comments: