Sunday, 23 September 2007

My First Husband

I don't waste no time with my words...
Nor my men neither.
If one ain't no good,
I just get me another one
Quick as I can.

But my first husband...
I loved him.
I killed him.
Ain't no more sorry tale than that.
Was my birthday an all.
He got me a water pistol for my 22nd.
Well I thought it were a water pistol.
He always be jokin like that.
Mind you, he had a genuine side too.
But by the time I got up to his hip.
He be dead.
Damn bled all over the carpet.
First thing I did...
Put in an emergency call to the carpet cleaners right away.
Do you know?
They wanted 200 dollars to clean the carpet!
What an expensive day.
Not havin the money an all,
I took old Jethro out back.
Had to keep him rolled up so the neighbours wouldn't see
You know they'd be talkin about it for days if they knew.
So I covered him with some leaves
and took the carpet inside to wash it up all pretty n shit
in the bathtub
but then, there was so much blood
I had me a drainage problem
so I called the plumber
he think he so observant....
"This here ain't no wine you been makin is it Miss?"
Bang. ...Had to use my gun.
then another phone call to my half-brother Jim Bob...
He the sheriff.
Filed a missing persons report and well
killed a few birds with that stone.
Ain't heard nothin since.
Don't even know where he put them.
Hope they ain't buried together.
Jethro never liked plumbers.

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