Saturday, 19 April 2008

Experiments in Staying Home

All is fine here....four-letter fine. We've had rain and sun, but mainly rain. A weather report--my gift to you--you people who went somewhere. I say this as you have probably been in Berlin, Vienna, Prague, or Barcelona for Easter. No...I have ESP. You've been at a pig roast in Riga. It has been a rather low key Easter experience here with not getting on a plane as we sometimes usually do. It has been an experiement in staying home to see what the appeal is for the many people who never leave the country because:

1. They don't know where the photo booth is for getting passport pictures as there isn't one on their block.
2. They prefer new kitchen lino to the shores of Kiribati.
3. They think that they can get more rest at home in front of the tv. Catching up on daytime talk shows they are unable to watch at work. Trashy slag sessions that are made up of wannabe actors and actresses killing time before their next cereal commercial.
4. They're saving their money for a rainy day, but what they don't realise is's raining!
5. They don't think that a week away in the sun or the rain of a different country or city will make a difference.

But it does. Just check the delight on the man's face last night in the local 24 hour shop as he strained his neck looking up at the "magazines" which were safely wrapped in plastic. 'Ooh....' he says..."There's my wife." I told him that he was obviously on holiday as he wouldn't even think that way at home. But his friend assured me that this little trip had only heightened his friend's usual personality. "Every man's wife is in one of those magazines somewhere. In my case, my wife has had all the copies of her edition re-routed to this shop." What a conspiracy.

Now, I can officially say the stay-at-home-holiday-makers are wrong. You can't fake a holiday. I am no further ahead with rest, relaxation, or DIY. In fact, I'm behind. Why do people stay home? Do they just not know how to get to the airport? Next time I will go somewhere with a capital G.

Simple--The Holiday P's: Passport, Postcard list, Plan, Packing and Press the "proceed" button. Otherwise, you've got two weeks of toddler explore+destroy mode. Next time, get deluxe travel insurance and have him tear up the hotel instead....Think of it as training for later when he's a rock star or football hooligan. Unless I just strap him into his little wooden chair, he's been busy. Though we have been to Whitstable, Waltham Cross, Waitrose, and worn out the seats at the Garrick Theatre---seeing Peter Pan twice. It was even in Spanish, but it ain't the same as bein' in Spain.

I've also been able to keep up with the news. I read about a smell. I haven't smelled anything...nor smelt. The poo of French cows wafting over the city? I didn't catch a whiff. Maybe it's the cheese I eat. Or maybe as we are smack dab in the centre of the "C", the congestion and pollution has shot our olfactory sensors completely.

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