Wednesday, 2 April 2008

Declutter Guru

The doorbell rings. Declutter guru arrives at the door...One free session. Who is the declutter guru? Someone off the gumtree or craigslist? What is their usual job? They don't have one. They have just arrived from a sunny part of the world where there is more surf than secretarial positions. How long have they been a declutter guru? Since they got a mobile phone. And do they type? Ofcourse not. They just text.

So let's see. What is this exercise ball sitting on top of your dryer?
It's an exercise ball.
And...let's be honest about this. Do you use it?
Yes. In a way. I look at it from time to time. It's motivational.
Would it be better deflated?
Oh no. That would be giving up. I would never re-inflate it.
So you want to keep this exercise ball up on top of the dryer?
Yes. For the moment, yes.
Is there not a danger of it falling while the dryer is running?
I did have that problem. However, I've put a phonebook up there to keep it in place.
And the phonebook. Is it useful?
It could be if the internet is down and I want to order a pizza or phone a taxi.
And...if the lights were to go out....I could burn it so that I can see.
And...if the heating were to go off...I could also burn it, for emergency heat.
Hmm. We'll leave those there for now. I also offer counselling, private training, interior design (an extension of the decluttering)
and tennis lessons.
Yes. I see you have some rackets in the closet.
Oh. Yes. They're also there for motivation.
Well then. You won't mind if I tell my friends about them?
Your friends?
Yes. My other job. I get 10% of everything my friends steal. I'm actually doing
two jobs at once. I'm casing the joint for a burglary.

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