Saturday, 19 April 2008

Autopilot Postman

I don't want another year of their magazine. I don't even want to tell you which magazine it is...but I'm tired of their quirky little bedtime a family pulled together after a disaster.... or a new disease that you could get from using too much cling film. Give me the disease...keep the magazine. I didn't want the first year. I don't want the next.

I don't recall ticking a "life member" box that puts the postman on autopilot for the rest of his life from their door to mine. No. If I want a year's subscription to anything, it might Conde Naste Traveller so that I can see the inside of hotels that I might not stay I tend to stay next door or down the road a ways when I go there. ( Ie. The Lemon Road Youth hostel in Hawaii...$14 a night and one block from the beach complete with check in clerk who also plays guitar and organises evening sing-a-long loo ows)

Or Cosmopolitan so that I can brush up on the latest 101 ways to excite your man in bed....or 101 ways to find a man to excite in bed.... the 32 ways to stay looking 29. or The 29 ways to appear over 21 if you're only 15. And finally...ten tummy flattening tips to enhance your bikini chances...There's always a number involved. I suppose as all the positions, facial creams and excercises have been tried before, they go for quantity incase you missed one.

For those tired of Cosmo's figures, there's House and Garden or Better Homes for people who have fifteen square feet of official gardening space on their balcony. Why don't I start my own magazine? Better Balconies... or Fancy Flats. Or something I have real life experience with...A how to book on how to live with children's toys....choosing primary colours that don't clash with your 70's themed wallpaper, how to discreetly throw them out if they are not in the box, how to glue all the teddies and dolls to the ceiling, and bonus star stickers for each bag of toys you send to oxfam.

No comments: