Sympathise

SBHW: Suburban Housewife
N: Double Door Norma

SBHW: I can't believe you did that. That was totally inappropriate.
N: Did what? We've been talkin' about fifty things in the last minute.
SBHW: Totally unfeeling and inappropriate.
N: Oh so I don't have no feelins' now either. Where? In my leg or my head?
SBHW:Don't get anatomical on me. Can't you page through?
You must know what I mean or
Are you are just one big walking faux pas?
N: Walking? I told you I can't even move my leg right now. So how can I make any
Walkin' fo pas? Unless I do it laying down.
SBHW: Correction--crawling faux pas. You don't get it do you? The card you sent.
N: The card? Honey--I killed a man last week...by accident.....Last worry is the card
I sent.
SBHW: Well I have to say. That had to be rustiest nail I've ever seen
pounded into a coffin. I can't believe you sent his wife a card.
N: I was bein' thoughtful.
SBHW: But what were you thinking?
N: I was thinkin'..... incase it her birthday too,
I'd get her one of those mulit-message cards....
You know....the ones with the boxes?
Tick here if it's a birthday.
Tick here for congratulations.
Tick for a wedding.
And tick here for "get well."
SBHW: But he isn't gonna get well the way you left him laying in the road.
N: I know. Tire marks all over the man. Never got up.
I ticked "congratulations"....on your new life. As I guess his wife....
She'll be startin' over again soon.
SBHW: It's not a thing to congratulate.
N: Well they didn't have a box for
"Sorry your stupid husband crossed the road
At the wrong time and scratched up my Harley."
SBHW: Ofcourse not. You don't need to be that specific.
A simple "In sympathy" would do.
N: Sympathize? If I didn't have my helmet on,
It would have been a mutual exchange...
One big sorry Hallmark Golden Moment.
Two for one funeral.
SBHW: I don't think that woman wants you buried next to her husband.
N: I wouldn't want to lay next to him neither--dead or alive.
SBHW: And she invited you to the funeral?
N: Not exactly. But I saw it in the paper--kinda recognised him.
Unmashed his face with my imagination.
SBHW: Well considering the circumstances, I am quite surprised
that you showed up.
N: Showed up? I showed up everyone. I had my best party dress on.
Most people---all in black.....looked like they going to a funeral.
SBHW: But it was a funeral.
N: I didn't go to the funeral. I ain't sittin' through all that....
"We all gathered here today....."
No. I went to the party afterwards.
SBHW: The reception.
N: The reception...the party whatever. Still drinks and food.
Pretty fancy food too. So tiny--couldn't even pick it up with ma fingers.
Had to use a toothpick. Had to go to chicken shack afterwards
To have myself a proper meal.