Wednesday, 9 February 2011

The Midas Toucher

"I got you better than back. I'm holding the Joker as well as the ace." he thought as he wrote her a lengthy message. It was anonymously complimentary. He had fathomed that she was an eternal beauty both inside and out just from glancing at a few profile pics. "You smile like no one is watching." There was an e-mail to accompany the brief facebook message. It betrayed itself as it was far too complicated to be real. A pub maniac from Chicago. Pubs are called bars in Chicago. A daughter called Tracie, then a paragraph later, Stacey. Serious typos. A dead wife called Doris. No one except her late Grandma's bridge partner was called Doris. That was years ago. That Doris was probably long gone too. It's someone weaving a tale that will end up asking for the wire transfer of funds to an account in Africa most likely. Some one having a little recreational cyber therapy. She sent a short reply. He had called her the Duchess of Castle Bridge. Hmm. Way beyond comprehension. too early in the morning.

A short walk to work. A sunny morning, but no time for a jaunt down to the river. An odd man appears and offers his services shining the brass letter box on the shop door. His opening sales pitch is too long. She interrupts him to ask how much it costs. He continues with his sales pitch...."Do you know how many people died of swine flue last year?" He doesn't wait for an answer. "Fifty. They got it from door knobs. I will clean your door knob too at no extra charge." "How much is it?".... He continues..."I will even clean the inside of your door frame here as it is brass also." Well. He certainly has a focus. A brass cleaning specialist.  He is the Midas Toucher. It says so on his card. A tenner. Ok. She relents.

He's got the job, but first thing he does is receive a phone call. He is not in a hurry to put the caller off. He tells excitedly how he has a new job. At this point, I take a look at the clock. In total, it took him over an hour. He did a good job, but will he be back next week. The only problem with brass is that it doesn't need cleaning that often. 

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