Things That Don't Work

1. To do lists with more than twenty entries
2. digital cameras without batteries
2a. buying the wrong batteries.
2b. Trying to exchange them.
3. not reading the manual.
4. reading the manual.
5. a life of television
6. sleeping pills
7. the lift
&. promises
&. Gentlemen's agreements
&. cellulite reduction cream
&. commercials about cellulite reduction cream
&. nothing is ever out of reach of a child even if it is stuck to the ceiling
&. changing lanes at the supermarket check out.
8. scratched cds... swimming in ponds with too much algae (Hampstead Heath)
&. dates who talk on the phone for more than ten minutes...infact...Is he not arranging his next date? That's "too busy."
9. CDs as frisbees....dying palm trees...vague invitations
10. writing to resonance radio: open access?
11. filing cabinets with business cards from people you met once years ago.
12. saving one earring when the other one is long gone
13. overdoing it
14. spring cleaning in winter
15. small sheets on a big bed
16. big thighs on a small woman
17. big ideas in a small mind
18. talking while painting...befriendly old ladies with criminal records
19. lunching on supermarket samples...as you end up buying the product when you really only went in to get milk.
20. hitching a lift with the milkman...regular coffee hours
21. cooking pizza with the plastic on
22. waiting



Things that work:
1. old songs on the radio
2. an mp3 player or ipod..are they the same thing?
3. learning to use the digital camera
4. making a video for utube
5. painting cups and plates
6. painting faces and stories
7. a variety of cheeses
8. swimming counterclockwise
9. candle lit exotic flowers
10. hotels in Jdakarta with faded sun loungers
11. knowing where the keys are--having a special place for the keys and enforcing it.
12. a new hoover attachment would be useful
13. blinds or curtains
14. framed pictures...secrets...egrets...lakes
15. a print session
16. an acceptance to the RA summer show---a small print with a small price most likely of a cat-or-dog-type-easy-to-recognise animal that all can enjoy on the bathroom wall in that space just big enough for a role of toilet paper, but too high up to be of any use. Robins and rabbits are also popular. If you puke while looking at it, it is not far to the toilet.
17. Never stand within ass-grabbing distance of Tony Cannelloni...safe distance--five feet.
18. Kevin and the folk club on the odd weekend.
19. postcards in a shoebox
20. star charts for good behaviour
21. sesame ryvita
22. cup of soup
23. Vegetable markets and chats with Nut man
24. Richard's list